ROFLAttack

Here's a game you won't see on Jay Bibby's site anytime soon: ROFLAttack.

Hard to describe, ROFLAttack is a flash game with ASCII graphics that pits you as an elite ROFLer who must destroy LOLerskaters and LMAOplanes, armed only with your ROFLcopter's ROFLcannon, WTFbombs, OMGmissles, and the all-important BBLshield.

(First seen on on the MESH DiaWebLog.)

Sticking by your predictions

Making their way around the blogosphere:

The RAND Corporation's 1954 mock-up of what they thought a home computer would look like in 2004 - now with convenient teletype!

There are many geek religious wars - MacOS vs. Windows, Windows vs. Unix, Linux vs. *BSD, vi vs. emacs, Kirk vs. Picard, the Avengers vs. the Justice League, etc. One of the key arguments for the ages is Star Wars vs. Star Trek - in a battle between the Empire and the Federation, who would win? Many die-hard fans have made empassioned arguments one way or another on various newsgroups and message boards, but fortunately, someone has taken the time to do the math.

Sorta says it all...

In lieu of providing a long-winded description of what's been going on with Desiree and I that has prevented us from posting, I instead defer to this picture, which captures the essence of what our lives are like at the moment.

The hidden cost of outsourcing

This is one cost of outsourcing they don't teach you about in business school. All current or former IT staff are free to chuckle knowingly once they've followed this link...

Superhero day jobs

Here's some comedy for you as we head into the holiday weekend - a photoshop contest showing superheroes at their day jobs... enjoy!

Sign of the apocalypse

Does the world really need a David Hasselhoff rap album? More to the point, can the world withstand a David Hasselhoff rap album?

Haven't we had enough of TV stars making notoriously bad albums (even if they are huge in Germany)?

No reading comics while legislating!

Desiree pointed me to this article in the Chicago Tribune (free registration required) explaining how Japanese PM Koizumi had to reprimand some of the junior lawmakers in his party for reading comics and sending instant messages during legislative sessions, which struck me as very funny for some reason.

Hey Crackhead

From Craigslist, the pseudo-classified ad site which brought you the ever-famous "Careful! Poop on there!" comes another jewel - a reasonable question from a man to the crackhead who stole his motorcyle's spark plugs to make a crackpipe.

A montage of funny

Four visual treats shamlessly borrowed from the ever-alert and inexhaustible Gravity Lens, where Jeff regularly proves that he's a much better (and frequent) weblogger than we are...

Exhibit A: Fark's sci-fi Photoshop contest
Exhibit B: Embarassing prom photos
Exhibit C: An aspiring politician dressed up as a Lord of the Rings character on his campaign website
Exhibit D: NASCAR and Wonder Woman (who's so tall, she's quite believably Amazonian)

More caped crusaders

Looks like yet another dynamic duo have suited up and are fighting crime in the UK.

There sure seem to be a lot more aspiring superheroes on the other side of the pond... for example, there's this, this, and this.

Careful! Poop on there!

From aardvark.dj: the story of a Detroit man, the woman he's trying to woo, and a little bit of poop.

The perfect bot

As I reflect on my MMORPG experiences, all I can say to this article is... Dude!

DVD rewind

Accept no substitutes. There is no higher quality browser-based DVD rewinder!

Pizza Party USA

I think that we've matured enough as a nation to throw a giant pizza party in our own honor once every four years.

Rock on! Deodorant for President!

Oh yeah! Ronnie James Dio for president!

Don't forget that Ronnie is angry about "...the unchecked proliferation of evil women and dragons in America today." Now that's a platform I can get behind.

A Lime Twist

So I got this email today:

What to do if you have.....

Too much time,
A sharp knife,
A lime,
A patient cat,
And a camera.

The answer.

I'm still laughing.

Inaugural Speeches from Our Action Heroes

Catching up on some old links: McSweeney's inaugural speeches from various cartoon characters. When Optimus Prime drops some innuendo that the Decepticons are built in France, you can begin to get a feel for what his administration is going to be about.

Client quotes

Desiree and I had fun with this list over AIM this morning. If you've ever had to work with clueless or unreasonable clients, you might too. (Found via Blogdex.)

MmmMMmMm... vitriol.

Fortunately I can report that none of my brothers-in-law are insipid, but that doesn't make McSweeney's "Words and Expressions Commonly Misused by Insipid Brothers-in-law" (found via Gravity Lens) any less amusing. It reminds me of the old Usenet days, updated with a much more personal and intense hatred of the subject being flamed.

"Sometimes Spellcheck doesn't cut it. Use a dictionary." Hint: That's a REFERENCE.

Crazy Ass Flash

Ok, I came across this flash movie and I'm not sure what to say about it. It's seriously strange and you'll have to pause it a few times to catch some of the quickly made comments. I think someone took a Japanese song and threw in some "english translation".

Just to give you an idea as to how strange this is:
"Man he sure was nasty
Oh you should have
Sued him God, or
Something Flushy.
Get the net
Use it there!"

Anyway, look for lots of cameos including: Link, Pikachu (on a condom), Darth Vader and Monica Lewinsky.

Enjoy!

Serious research

Not only do the Brits have a handle on beer mat flipping optimization, but the BBC has seen fit to report on it.

Indian monkeyshines

While I'm sure that it's not that funny when it's happening to you, the mental picture of monkeys stealing lunchboxes and raiding refrigerators in India is pretty amusing. Atul Gupta of the Wildlife Institute of India blames deforestation, stating succinctly that the monkeys "have learned the tricks of finding food in an urban environment" out of necessity.

David Cross on video games

David Cross, of HBO's Mr. Show with Bob and David, has written an article for Wired that's part social satire and part good old-fashioned mocking of video game hype. Funny stuff.

Loving your geek

Found at Gravity Lens - a mildly tongue-in-cheek article about how to love your geek and tolerate his/her hobbies.

Motivational parodies

Jeff has posted yet another page of motivational poster parodies featuring comic book characters, and I have to admit that the idea was just too damn good to pass up.

So, after some brainstorming between Desiree and I, we came up with our own batch of posters. We hope you like them, and thanks again to Jeff for such a thoroughly hysterical idea.

Motivational Superlithos

Gravity Lens has supplied yet another great link - this time, to motivational posters featuring Marvel Comics characters. (Sorry Jeff, I've got to disagree with you - the Magneto poster is far creepier than the Punisher poster.)

Even better are Jeff's own parodies - if I wasn't so swamped at work (hence the lack of recent posting) I'd be inspired to add a few of my own...

Rock star stupidity

While it's pretty funny that Alanis Morissette yelled "Thank you Brazil!" at the end of her show in Lima, Peru, it's downright hysterical that David Lee Roth had to get 22 stitches after whacking himself in the head while performing what his spokesman called "a very fast, complicated 15th-century samurai move."

That's an odd superpower

In the U.S. (or at least here in Chicago), we call the device that police attach to your wheel when you have too many outstanding tickets a "boot".

Apparently, it's more descriptively called a "wheel clamp" in the UK, and this BBC article has information about the first "wheel clamp vigilante" (complete with spandex costume and cape).

Cuuuuttteeee!!!!

My dad sent me this flash this morning. So cute! Not as cute as my boys, but will work in a pinch. Make sure you pet it's tummy!

Giant gerbils

You know it's going to be one of those days when you pop up the BBC news and see a headline like "Giant gerbils infest China".

China's response: releasing giant eagles to prey on them. This is a dangerous and unprecedented escalation in the giant animal arms race - we must not allow a giant animal gap!

"I respectfully dissent"

This Motion to Dismiss filed in Colorado district court has got to be the funniest thing I've seen all month.

A teenager who used the "f-word" when hauled into his principal's office was charged with disorderly conduct, and an obviously bored (and might I suggest more than slightly smart-assed) deputy state public defender submitted the above referenced 7-page court document describing the history of and legal precedent for using the term. An excerpt:

22. The state has the power to protect its citizenry from actual harm, and thus has the power to outlaw one yelling "Fire!" in a crowded theatre. See, Schenck v. United States, 249 U.S. 47 (1919). However, yelling "Fuck!" in a crowded theatre does not create a clear and present danger to anyone and thus cannot be outlawed. Although they are both four letter words that start with F, the distinction is constitutionally significant.

When paradigms collide

Popular Science has reprinted some computing tips from New Witch magazine, apparently for no other reason than to mock them. In my unsolicited opinion, magazines don't insult each other frequently enough (with the noticeable exception of Stuff and its editor.)

Poor impulse control

Ok - I've robbed someone in Times Square, gone through my trial, and was fortunate enough to receive a relatively light sentence of probation. What's my next move? Why, punch out one of the jurors right in front of the courthouse, of course! Why settle for probation on a petty larceny charge when you can get 4 years for assault?

I've got paint where??!!

Steve Dahl was talking about this the other day on his radio show, but I just came across this news article (leave it to Fox to find this gem).

It's pretty twisted. There's something that doesn't seem right about hunting for human prey, shooting it, and then having sex with it.

Not to mention...ouch! Paintballs on naked flesh?
But wait, Bambi Participant "Taylor" assures us it doesn't hurt "that bad":
"We're not getting hurt that bad," Taylor, who didn't give a last name, told Fox News. "[The paintballs] don't hurt as bad as everyone says they do. It's about as bad as getting slugged in the arm."

I'm glad she's familiar with the feel of getting "slugged in the arm". What's wrong with this picture?

Is this even legal?

Real life, the review

Gamespot is running a review of the most massively multiplayer of all role-playing games, life.

Naked Ass Center

Only in Germany - the name of the town of Krov's new community center literally means "Naked Ass".

Hulk Package

Personally, I find this hysterical. How it came to exist? Who knows, but I think "Kim" needs to lighten up a bit. When I was a kid I didn't notice whether there were or weren't "packages" on my dolls. Kim's overreaction brings focus to it and makes her have to deal with those uncomfortable questions. If you don't like it, don't accept the toy...give your child something else to play with. Meanwhile, enjoy the instantly news-worthy and therefore collectible item you have in your complaining little hands.

The Cheat is to the limit...

Wired's got an interview with the HomestarRunner crew up. Even selling 300 pieces of merchandise a day, I can't see how they make a living, but I sure hope they're able to keep at it.

Exorcism

I understand that the Thai wanted to get rid of the entrail-devourers, but £14,800 seems kind of expensive for a "veteran exorcist". Maybe there was a rookie exorcist they could have opted for?

India, on the other hand, might require an exorcist with veteran status in order to get the epilepsy demons out of their school toilets.

Homeless monkey arrested in Russia

I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Besides, it's been far too long since we've had any monkey humor around here...

Hello, my name is Saddam SARS.

In more baby-naming strangeness... the Sydney Morning Herald has a story about a Chinese couple who named their baby Saddam Deng SARS to reflect current events at the time of his birth.

Makes naming your kid Superman not seem like such a big deal, doesn't it?

Nude Tennis Tournament

Does anyone else out there really, really not want to see this?

As far as I'm concerned, that's way too much floppin' goin' on. *shudder*

You're no Superman

Apparently, you don't have the right to name your child after a superhero in Norway. Not that I'm complaining with the outcome, but any government that believes it has more authority over naming a child than the child's parents do is a bit too Orwellian for my tastes.

Superhero vigilantism on the rise in the UK

Put on a mask, a brown cape, and go scare off some purse-snatchers - you too can be a superhero!

Halo Flash

Here's a very funny flash series starring the Halo guys. Enjoy!

International Marketing 101

When determining a brand or product name, make sure it doesn't mean something inappropriate in another language.

Ghana's Navy frees turtle from sorcerer

I think the title of this post pretty much sums it up.

Greyham's adventure

A cat had a bit of an adventure when he was found under the hood of a car after it'd been driving 20 miles... fortunately the little guy wasn't hurt.

New Homestar Runner Game

For all of you Homestar Runner fans, here's a new Trogdor game!

Make sure you squish all those peasantys and burn their THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES! without getting arrowed and sworded. :)

BURNINATION!

http://www.homestarrunner.com/trogdor.html

Lo-tech identity theft

Here's a tip for you: always verify which surgical procedure is being performed on you before the surgery gets underway.

Is it a backhanded insult when you wake up from your hernia surgery only to find that you've undergone liposuction instead? Or should you just laugh and chalk it up to coincidence since that liposuction was meant for another patient with the same name?

I'm thinking that maybe, oh, I don't know, actually reading the patient's medical charts instead of just asking their name might have gone a long way to preventing this.

Milk or beer?

PETA apparently feels that the Dairy State should change its official drink from milk to beer - I think you can make your own joke up there.

Kikkoman!

We had a link to this a long time ago, but I found a link to an English translation on Dave Barry's blog. Check it out here:
http://yoga.tripod.co.jp/flash/kikkomaso_e.htm

If you want to see the original, check it out here:
http://yoga.tripod.co.jp/flash/kikkomaso.swf

Notice they cut out the hung cat in the english translated version...

Anti-France jokes

*snicker*

picture and picture

Incompetence or apathy - you be the judge

You have to love Brazil - especially when a group of people there set up a fake police station less than 100 meters from a real police station, wait inside pretending to be cops, and then extort money from people who come in looking for help.

What did the "real" police do? Nothing - until footage of the scam in action was aired on TV.

Isn't this the country that tried to sue "The Simpsons" for tarnishing its image? I'm thinking an American cartoon has nothing on reality.

The Two Towers mistranslated

Thanks to Blogdex, this has got to be the most unintentionally funny thing I have seen in a great, long while.

I guess it beats Euro-Disney

Worried that you've run out of fun and interesting family vacation spots? Do you want to get that authentic vampire experience you've been craving without trekking into the Carpathians?

Well, then the Dracula theme park is for you - now planned to be conveniently located near Bucharest, instead of in Transylvania!

Dobby and Vladimir - secretly related?

In today's edition of "why I hate stupid litigation", we have a group of Russian lawyers who are preparing to sue Warner Brothers because they feel that the computer-generated "Dobby the house-elf" in the film version of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets was modelled after Russian President Vladimir Putin.

I'll be anxiously awaiting confimation of "cram it"-worthiness from Desiree on this one.

Like a Bat-tracer, only more pathetic

A Kenosha, Wisconsin man who hid a GPS device in his ex-girlfriend's car and mysteriously showed up wherever she went claims he wasn't stalking her. In the immortal words of Desiree, he can cram it if he thinks anyone's buying that crap.

If a picture is worth a thousand words...

...then I'm not sure what the other 997 are for this besides "German circus act".

When conspiracy theories go mainstream

You know, it's hard to blame the Malawians - I'm sure I'd be attacking major government officials too if I thought that my goverment was plotting with vampires to steal blood for sale on the black market.

I'm not sure how this rumor got started, but one way or another the government of Malawi is getting what they deserve - I'm thinking that this is the universe's way of telling them that they might want to do something about the near-total neglect of their education system.

Not what Guinness intended

I'm guessing the the Guinness Book of Records didn't promote "cement blocks cracked with groin" as its most coveted award in its first edition, but then again, I'm really not an expert in groin-smashing.

Just like the three cement blocks that broke upon this man's groin, the previous world record has itself been shattered. I'm sure that this will enflame the passions (among other bits) of the many groin-smashing hopefuls still in training.

Dance your way to bigger breasts

Now this is a government program I think we can all get behind - a Thai federal initiative to teach women how to increase their breast size through dance.

That's putting the taxpayers' money to work!